Sunday, July 19, 2009

Natures Little Bastards

Nature is beautiful asshole of wonder & bugs. Did I mention bugs? The most pleasant of moments can be ruined by natures little bastards. In this case a misty Spring morning. I began my early morning by approaching the beach by going out the back door, through the yard, and to the sand. It was glorious at first with birds tweeting and swooping low across the water. The waves rippled and softly caressed the beach. I stayed at the edge of the yard, not to disturb the smooth sand from the humid cool air. Then something touched my arm.
Oh a delight some small winged creature. I tapped at it and encourage it to fly; Slowly at first with but a nail from my index finger. The winged creature did to leave my hairy armed since it had wrapped itself around one of my long hares. I brushed it now to get it to go, but instead it climbed to another hair. Then a feeling on my right ear. Something smaller now that I couldn't see was roaming to close to my ear canal. Swap! I slapped myself in the side of the face. I destroyed something. But no time for morning I returned focus to the wing creature on my arm. ~ Flick! And just like that I'd launched the wing creature off my hair follicle and thus off my arm. "Problem solved, now I can continue to enjoy the peace & tranquility."
Then... a prick on my face...then a crawl on my arm and then... a dance on my leg. Then a nip, and another nip, here and there. I slapped each place I felt the foreign presents. Thwap! Slap! Bap! Flick! Whip!
"Problem Solve?"
Then it began again. Soon, I realized I was under siege by the dreaded no-see-em'. That each landing and wondering or wiggle or even bite was those "Dirty bastard". I just started swinging with fist, and legs, with feet, and arms, flailing! With a punch or slap to my own skin. I saw then fill the air now, winged mini demons. They were swirling all over so close that they got in my mouth. I retreated. Back towards the house. Briskly walking at first... right to an all out sprint. Finally to the porch, out-running my attackers. I safely landing in an old rocking chair. "Bastards!" I thought. Looking across the yard I could see the no-see-em's army fill the air. Scouts of them searching for me to prey on, Somehow I had done it, gotten out of there grasp. I fell back into the rocking chair revealing in the joys of being a faster than my new enemies.
Moments passed... My heart slowed.
I was calm again.
I reflected on what neighbors and even people inside my own residence must be thinking. For me an epic battle had been an stupidly silly dance. I had also beaten myself to hell, which I believed looked like a fight with the invisible man. Though, I could not see any onlookers I assumed my pain had brought such laughter to the point of tears. It phased me for a bit, but I moved on once I realize they would (or have) suffer the same fate at some point.
I rocked slowly in my chair. I felt the love of the pretty morning and the happiness that can only come from escaping no-see-em's. I took a deep breath sucking the dewy air into my lungs. It was getting warmer now and I was glad I slid on my under arm deodorants to combat perspiration. My deodorant smell mixed with the environment. "I smell better than all things green - thought". I looked out towards the water, past the yard of hateful no-see-em's, past the beach to the rolling waves. Then a bee landed on my hand. "Fuck!" I screamed and ran inside.

"Damn you nature you're beautiful bitch filled with bastard creatures.
I shake my fist at you and bid you good day" I went to the coach and popped on the TV.
"Fucking Nature", I grumbled.


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